4th quarter

dateIt’s that time of year again. It’s the end of the year and this time instead of hitting December 15th and thinking shoot I really should do an end of year check-in I’m being proactive. I’m thinking about it now, in October when I still have a chance to shape the rest of the year.

Checking in at the beginning of the fourth quarter rather than at the end is powerful. Checking in at the end is pitiful. Guess which one I usually do? Of course it’s important to take a look back at your year for the sake of reflection and planning the next year. I’ll do it right after Christmas in those quiet days when it feels like I should be doing something, but I’m too exhausted and relieved that the holidays are over to get off the couch.

The first three quarters of the year for me was about relationships. Exactly a year ago I ended a toxic relationship. Then, a few months later, I reconnected with an old friend and started what is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I wasn’t looking for it and I didn’t see it coming, but things happened as they were supposed to and I’m deeply happy and in love.

So with the healing and falling in love I took a lot of time in 2014 to move slowly and think and meditate and take long walks and really listen. I had a chance to breathe, really breathe. I allowed myself to dream.

“We forget to dream. We are so busy trying to create, manage, and respond to our current reality, that dreaming falls off the to-do list” says Danielle LaPorte. That’s what had happened to me. I forgot to dream. There were too many fires to put out and too many other people to think about.  Now, problem-solving. I did a lot of that. Trying o find creative answers, I did a ton of that. Did it give me any sense of relief or sense of contentment or, dare I say it, Happiness?

No Absolutely not, in 2012 and 2013 my whole life was about what might happen someday. It was planning, but not dreaming, about how all the pieces might fit together. Let me tell you, that’s exhausting and there’s no sense of accomplishment. The accomplishment hasn’t actually happened, there’s just talk about the accomplishment.

In 2014 I tried to remind myself to not worry about the future, but just to be really present with how insanely happy I was right then. Being happy opened up some crazy doors I never thought would open for me.

So with some steadiness and stability I’ve used this last quarter to focus more on career. My life is easier than it has been in years and I’ve been able to ask myself, What do you REALLY want? For the first time I can answer that easily without having to make concessions or big compromises. For the first time in a really long time MY life works for ME and isn’t just about other people.

So I’m starting to travel and teach, a  dream I’ve had since I began teaching. Well, no. A dream I’ve had since I contemplated a career.

travel I’m on the first leg of a long a trip that includes teaching in a few places I know well and some new places. It allows me to revisit old connections and make some new ones. And most importantly, it allows me to be more present in my kids’ lives more consistently.

This is big and scary for me. I admire people who travel and speak or travel and teach. People like speaker LaPorte or yogini Janet Stone make it look so effortless. They make it look like something I’d like to do. So in this last quarter of what has been a charmed year, a year full of growth, quiet walks, love and  dreaming I’m taking some big steps, stretching myself, scaring the crap out of myself.

The whole thing makes some assumptions and they’re scary assumptions. Like, I’m good at what I do. Like I know what I’m talking about. There’s still that little voice in my head that says Who the hell do you think you are? Why should people pay you money? I’m trying really hard to quiet those negative naysayers in the back of my mind.

I am good at what I do. I do know what I’m talking about and I do help a lot of people. I can be of service, I’m learning to say back to myself. I’m still starting small, though, cause it is a lot. I’m teaching something I know and love. I have to have at least a bit of my comfort zone. I’m teaching Yoga for Anxiety. It’s the perfect fit for me because I’ve had a bumpy life and I’m very, very familiar with anxiety and stress and even panic. I’ve been a yogi for 20 years and a teacher for 15. Yoga is in my blood these days. It’s my answer to almost everything (to my kids’ chagrin).

So this should be easy breezy, right?  I’ll let you know.

Below is my travel schedule. If you don’t come to a workshop, at least meet me for a cup of tea.

Interested in Yoga for Anxiety? Check out the website for all the details.http://ayogikitchen.com

10/18 Om Tree Shala, Lawrence, KS

11/1   Heaven Meets Earth Yoga, Evanston, IL

Nov and Dec various locations, Boston, MA

Jan New York, New York

Feb Nashville

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