You Can’t Do It Alone

I don’t know where so many of us got the idea that we’re supposed to struggle through this life by ourselves. Well, we have this idea that we find our soulmate and then that’s it. That’s the person we get and that’s it.

It’s such a prevalent idea and it’s SO wrong. If you hear of someone’s success, somehow you begrudge her by saying her parents helped her or she married well. Not only is that idea so ridiculous, but it’s disrespectful and sexist to women and to that woman specifically.

Of course someone helped her, cause that’s what successful people know to do. They know how to use their resources, ask for help and take help when they need it. Whether they pay for that help or lean on their friends makes no difference. Help is help and we all need it.

Women are, perhaps, better at this than men. It’s the way our brains are wired. We’re good at and thrive on connection. So we instinctively look around us to get and give help.

In the past few years the concept of community has become both skewed and trendy. We call people we don’t even know our peeps or our tribe. Somehow, by liking someone’s post or becoming a follower we are creating connection.

I call bullshit.

We need our tribes and our communities, but they need to be more than faceless names on social media. We need to hear how others are suffering just like us, but from the people we lay eyes on over coffee or a glass of wine or every morning when we wake. We need the people who are a part of our stories and who share our stories, cause that’s where the connection is the strongest.

We need to hear stories and connect and it’s nice to hear that a total stranger gets us, but that’s not where the healing happens. We need each other in a deeper way than we’ve engaged over the past fifteen or twenty years online.

It’s way too hard to do it alone. I think it’s hard just working your job, being married, raising your kids, dealing with your parents. Add anxiety or depression to that? You can’t do it alone. You CAN”T.

Don’t take that as a challenge, but maybe take it as the voice of experience.

You may figure out how to trudge through life by yourself, but most of us will just be trudging if we try to do it alone. We won’t soar, float, giggle or fly through. And isn’t it much more fun to do any of those than trudge through?

Everything is better with friends and like-minded people right? What if you get to hold someone’s hand and skip through your next big/scary/overwhelming business project knowing that someone’s got your back and you have a compassionate voice to connect with at 3am when the who-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are voice gets big? It gets big for all of us, so stop telling yourself to quit the voice and just accept that it’s going to happen. So what are you going to do about it?

Time after time, I see clients realize how important connection is to our brains and really embrace that piece of managing anxiety and depression. Then, they learn to actually make connection on a deeper level, not just the chit-chat level. Their lives start to shift. All of the sudden they don’t feel so alone. They don’t feel quite so lost.

All of the sudden you have someone to call when you want to bounce an idea, or in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep cause your brain is so busy, or when the emotions feel big. You’ve got someone who gets what you’re going through and that’s powerful.

So, if you think you’re doing fine just trudging along by yourself, think about shifting your thinking. I know it’s scary and I know it can be hard, but I promise it’s worth it. It’s that initial step of asking someone out to coffee and that can be big and scary, but then the benefits start to roll in.

You’ll find that after that first coffee meet, you’re a little lighter, a little happier, feeling a bit more supported. It won’t be long before reaching out feels more comfortable. If it doesn’t? You’ll just keep practicing.

The thing I’ve learned on that yoga mat is that it’s not about the pose, it’s about the moment. It’s not about getting it perfectly, it’s about what your brain, body, heart does when you face a challenge.

It’s called practice because it’s never done, it’s never perfect. We keep doing it again and again and each time we learn a little something about ourselves. That is a lesson that I take off the mat over and over. Taking it into my life means I learn a little bit about self-compassion and self-love. I learn to cut myself some slack. I learn that it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to take the help.

Managing anxiety and depression is an every day job. We can’t do it alone. Not only do we need each other because sometimes the emotions get really big, too big for one person, but also connection is one of the things that makes our brains healthier.

If you are feeling stuck or lost, I promise there are people there for you. If you’re finding trouble finding them, let me know. I get it, I’m here and I got you.

 

Join me for the Free BreatheEcourse, seven days to help you Get Clear and learn tools, tips and skills to manage anxiety and depression. It’s the introduction to BreatheOnline, the six week course that you do in the comfort of your home. I know it’s scary, but contact me and let’s get started making your life better. Mel@ayogikitchen.com,  http://bit.ly/1TKsxq8

 

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